Are you tired of living in chaos? Do you long for stability and peace?  Then you know how I felt while waiting for a red light to turn green at the intersection of Mission Blvd and Mountain Ave in Ontario, California. Although that’s been more than 40 years ago, I’ll never forget what happened that day–and it was no accident. In fact, the decision I made at that intersection became the turning point in my book, The Windblown Girl: A Memoir about Self, Sexuality, and Social Issues (see p. 114.)

And, what happened to me could happen to you.

At a Crossroads

The moment I stopped at that red light, while keeping an eye on the traffic, I started talking to Jesus about my despair.

“I’m done. “I’ve had enough.” “I don’t want to hurt myself anymore.”

For years, I’d been longing for a man. Someone who would love me and care about me. Even after asking Jesus to save me from my sins, I still wanted Someone to Watch Over Me. A guy who would be there for me–to keep me safe, offer me comfort, share my life with. But that morning on my way to work, I’d finally had enough. None of the guys I dated could fix my problems. None of them could eliminate my pain. In the dating game, my heart kept getting broken or else I unintentionally broke the hearts of others.

Only Jesus could save me from the mess, I’d made. Only He could turn me into the person I wanted to be. Because He loved me enough to die for my sins, I decided it was better to trust Him more than myself.

So, by the time the red light turned green at that intersection, I came to Jesus and laid down my way of doing things. In that moment, I fully surrendered to doing things His way instead of my own. And, I’ve done my best to keep that vow ever since.

Heading in a New Direction

Reading a classic novel, first published in 1896, helped me learn to move in a new direction. In His Steps: What Would Jesus Do? by Charles M. Sheldon is as relevant today as it was over a hundred years ago. Although the question”what would Jesus do?” became a cliché in the mid-1990s, Sheldon’s story helped me think through the difference between my self-directed inclinations and biblical standards.

• Should I lie, cheat, and manipulate or tell the truth even when it brought undesirable consequences.
• Should I be honest no matter who ridiculed me as a result?
• Should I refuse to manipulate someone to get my own way even when it meant sacrificing something I wanted?

This new way of making decisions, sometimes caused pain. Sometimes they cost me. Before surrendering everything to Jesus, I occasionally received pay from a loved one to do something unethical. After vowing to stop doing things my way, I knew that was wrong. When I told him, he was furious, said I was stupid, and his ridicule hurt. So did losing that income. But the self-respect I gained was worth every penny. 

An Astonishing Difference

Not once, not for one moment in more than four decades, have I ever regretted the decision to trust Christ as the Lord of my life. I’d already asked Jesus to be my Savior, but at that intersection, He became my Lord. And, even when I didn’t understand, He’s proved His ways are so much better than my own.

As a Christ follower, my identity started to shift. One of the greastest compliments I’ve ever received is that I’m consistent. Imagine that. The chaos and confusion turned into stability and peace. Constant choices. I gained self-respect and you can, too. My next post will show how that works.

In the meantime, if you know someone who might benefit from this post, please share it on Facebook or Twitter. You might just make a difference with someone else struggling with chaos and confusion, who longs for a better way.