Have you ever loved someone (or something) so much, you couldn’t imagine letting go of them? Maybe a parent, a lover, or a best friend (or a career)? Then circumstances  beyond your control forced an unimaginable situation and that person (or thing) is out of your life. If you’ve read my book The Windblown Girl: A Memoir about Self, Sexuality, and Social Issues, you know I’m familiar with that kind of pain. So is my friend, Tammy Horvath.

At some point, we all go through loss, but sometimes it happens in such a way that we’re not sure we’ll survive. That’s what happened to Tammy. On August 2, 2017, her son, Luke Yuzwa was in the wrong place at the wrong time. In a drug deal gone wrong–he was shot and died instantly.

Not My Will

Tammy detailed how her horrendous nightmare involved letting go of control in her book Gone in an Instant: Losing my son, Loving his killer. This inspiring story shows how she overcame her dysfunctional past and chose to forgive Luke’s killer. Exploring additional dynamics give us a glimpse of living a life while suffering deep emotional pain.

When the police came to her door in the middle of the night to inform her about the murder of her beloved son, Tammy’s heart broke. Her life was shattered. The boy she’d raised and loved with her whole being was gone. Although Tammy still wants to cling to her son, she’s made a deliberate step of letting go and trusting God in the process. He has work for her to do, purposes for her suffering beyond our capability to understand.

Some of them involved writing her book. That’s how I met Tammy. She wasn’t a writer and says she struggles with reading comprehension. Yet she poured herself into telling Luke’s story, so others might discover a pathway to forgiveness of themselves and others. As I’ve gotten to know Tammy, I’ve seen her remarkable determination to follow Christ, no matter what. I’ve also seen how Jesus keeps Tammy from clinging so much to the past (and life with Luke) that she can’t walk into the future.

Thy Will Be Done

It’s appropriate to grieve loss while letting go of someone we love. Sometimes that kind of letting go must happen every day, one day after another or maybe even moment by moment. Sweet Tammy will mourn the loss of her son for the rest of her life. But instead of wallowing in the pain, she has chosen to believe life is still worth living. Tammy wanted Luke to live and thrive. She had hopes and dreams for his future. She wanted more time with him. But instead, she clings to Christ and offers up His prayer in Luke 22:42

Father, if it’s your will, take this cup of suffering away from me. However, not my will but your will must be done.

In the midst of her despair over letting go of Luke, Tammy recognized the higher calling of God’s will–for her, the act forgiveness. Because Jesus has forgiven her, Tammy extended that amazing grace to Tyrone, her son’s killer. Tammy’s “self” died that Christ might live in and through her. 2nd Corinthians 4:7 explains:

We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.

What is humanly impossible became possible because Tammy surrendered her all to Jesus, He empowers her to live day by day in such a way as to show others God’s glory and grace.

Thy Kingdom Come

Most, if not all, of us have heartaches and grief beyond description at various times in our lives. Violence is on the increase. Disabilities and disease often rob people of the ability to function as they’d like. Perhaps a lack of integrity, kindness, or care for a close relationship brings unbearable pain. Yet, such scenarios fit within a biblical worldview. At times, life in a place where sin runs rampant is going to involve agony. In John 16:33, Jesus promised that in this world, we’d suffer.

These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

That’s glorious news! Jesus overcomes suffering and keeps life worth living when we let go of control and surrender ourselves to Him. Tammy is living a life that exceeds her expectations. She’s a better version of her “self,” because she’s allowing Jesus to live in and through her. As a result, people see Jesus.

If you struggle with the reasons for suffering, the practice of suffering, and the impact of suffering such as Tammy experienced, I highly recommend this sermon by Dan Franklin, lead pastor at Life Bible Fellowship Church. Or perhaps you know someone, who could benefit from hearing it. If so, please share this post with them and point them to the link.

And, you might consider signing up for my e-newsletter (see below), so we can share life’s wild ride in today’s world, together.