Have you ever had so much fun, you didn’t want it to stop? Maybe at a party or on a weekend getaway with family. But if your family doesn’t get along, perhaps your pleasure palace involves someplace where you finally feel like you fit in.

For hundreds of thousands of young adults today, that’s at raves like the Electric Daisy Carnival. My happy place, in my early twenties, was on a cruise ship. In the early seventies, they weren’t like they are today. Ships were smaller. Each senior officer hosted a table in the dining room. For the first two cruises, my mom and I sat at Chief Officer Senior Svein Pettersen’s table, and over exquisite meals accompanied by expensive wines, he became our friend. (In the photo at the top, Svein is seated between us.) Every need and whim was satisfied with no upcharges. 

The glamor and freedom I felt onboard a Royal Caribbean ship built my confidence. Men, like Svein, made me feel smart, fun, and attractive. Women were friendly–all of us relaxed while having a good time.

That first cruise made me feel like I’d died and gone to heaven. A year later, the second one convinced me I’d found a home where I belonged.

Escaping Life’s Pain

But the third cruise taught me how the pursuit of pleasure could end up with disastrous consequences. My story in The Windblown Girl: A Memoir about Self, Sexuality, and Social Issues shows how trying to deny reality became my own personal Titanic. What started with me trying to experience life’s greatest gifts guided me into poor choices that led to excruciating agony. If you’re a young adult, perhaps that’s happened to you or someone you know. Maybe you, a friend, or a relative went to  an electronic music festival hoping to find peace, love, unity and respect (PLUR), but instead ended up raped, paralyzed, or dead.

Valuable lessons I’ve learned over the years might help those of you (or someone you love), who still crave a fantastical escape from life’s heartbreak.

Operating on Unrealistic Expectations

When I embarked on those early cruises, all the pressures of real life slipped away. Do you know that feeling? Maybe taking a little ecstasy produces a false sense of well-being. For at least a little while, you escape from worries about difficult relationships, meaningless work, or bills you can’t pay. On our two-week voyage, while in port my mom and I shopped for bargains each morning and lounged by the ship’s pool drinking pina coladas every afternoon. At night we ate fabulous meals, watched extravaganza shows, then danced in the nightclub. While at sea, I lived in a fantasy world that satisfied my every whim.

But after that third cruise, reality set in. Gone was any illusion of being able to escape the pain. Although my mom took me on a fourth trip, nothing was the same. My bubble had burst–the way it does for many young people. Older adults too. Sometimes life’s challenges create intolerable pain, no matter how hard and fast we play while trying to outrun it.

That’s when I turned me to Jesus, the God of all comfort. And, He made sense of reality.

Exchanging Denial for the Truth

For me to cope, my expectations needed to change. Life was hard and I needed help. Reading the Psalms in the Bible started putting a healing salve on my hurting soul as I learned from David, a troubled individual I could relate to.

My heart is in anguish within me,
And the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me,
And horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
“Behold, I would wander far away,
I would lodge in the wilderness. Selah.
“I would hasten to my place of refuge
From the stormy wind and tempest.” 

Like David in Psalm 55:4-8, I realized that trying to escape the mess I was in would require me to change into a different creature. Like David, the only thing I could do was turn to Someone far bigger than me; no human being could fix my problems. The turmoil was too intense to run from it. Denial would only make it worse. And, the consequences would only create more severe problems. David showed me a safe place to express my honest feelings. Before taking them to the Lord, I usually kept them bottled up inside.

Honest conversation with Jesus helped me begin accepting the Truth about the mess I’d made. Over time, He became my safe place. And He began helping me learn how to deal with my problems, one step at a time. Isaiah 41:10 assured me that I was not alone.

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will up hold you with My righteous right hand.’

As long as I kept my eyes on Jesus, He reassured me in a multitude of ways that His mercy and grace were enough to help me. Making better choices based in reality started resulting in a sense of well-being. But it wasn’t easy. Changes needed to take place that were hard. For many years I gave up going on cruises because coming home to overwhelming challenges was simply too hard. My mom was furious to lose her traveling companion, but in the process, I grew up and became determined to become a better person.

Experiencing Purpose and Pleasure

Now, years later, my situation has changed, although sometimes I still want to flee everyday life. I think we all feel that way once in a while. Day-to-day responsibilities, painful relationships, insecurities, the pandemic, the political situation  . . . and on and on it goes until we wonder if we’re going to make it. So when my great friends, Mark & Kim Love, started planning an Alaskan cruise, I decided to go with them.

We just got home about two weeks ago. Seeing Denali, riding in a side-by-side ATV with Kim, experiencing the glaciers that fascinated Mark–we couldn’t have had a better time. But this time, something in me has changed. After 12 days of spectacular scenery, incredible adventures, fabulous food, and a remarkable friendship–I was ready to come home. I wanted to get back to work. That’s because Jesus gave me meaningful work that I was created to do. And, those responsibilities provide purpose that eclipses the pleasure. Besides that, Jesus helps me handle the tough stuff. And, the sooner I get it taken care of, the less serious the problems.

Real life isn’t easy. As soon as I came home, I faced a water leak in my drip irrigation. Dirty laundry. Southern California’s horrible heat. Shopping for groceries at exorbitant prices. Dinner once again consists of salads instead of fresh caught salmon or halibut or Dungeness crab. But knowing God gave me a purpose to fulfill has changed everything. About a week after I returned, I did my first interview about my book. Hopefully the joy Christ has given me resonates with those who check out this conversation. It was a blast to tell PJNET.TV’s audience about how much our great God cares about us. Without Jesus, I wouldn’t have even gone to Alaska because I’d have been too afraid of COVID and inflation. But with Him, my adventures astonish me and taking a break makes reality easier to navigate. Putting pleasure in its proper place actually elevates it to the place it was intended to be.

How do you navigate life? Do you try to deny reality or are you brave enough to face it on your own? Or do you rely on the One True Living God, who never fails or forsakes you. If you’re stuck trying to escape life’s pain, I highly recommend embracing it along with the Savior who created you and knows you even better than you know your self.